Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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