Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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