I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
