Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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