I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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