I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
