I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
