I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
