Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
