do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize