dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
being pregnant is like rehab
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
