Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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