How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
