Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
