i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
