Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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