I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
