sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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