your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
