At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
