Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
