We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
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