Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize