she looked like the before picture.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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