I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
