this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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