I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
