'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
