meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize