Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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