Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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