haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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