Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
