The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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