His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
