Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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