dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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