He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
