I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
