They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
