well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
