Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
