The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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