When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
