I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
