I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just forgot I was standing up.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
