Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
