dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
