I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize