I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Farmville is her only friend.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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