people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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