I saw his package. It spoke to me.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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