dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I CAN MOONWALK!
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize