Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
