Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
