That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
