I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
