I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I can't put those talents on a resume
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
