i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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