i don't like sucking hair
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Duck Duck Cougar?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
