I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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