i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
