Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
