a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
