We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
