yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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