I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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