I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
