are you still at the devil's house?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
