hotel room ftw
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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