Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
