the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
